Wednesday, December 21, 2011

At least this time there was beer...

What did you do last night? I hung out in the back yard in the cold with a shivering puppy for an hour and a half. Wait… this sounds all too familiar.

Go ahead and say “I told you so” and I am sure you are going to roll your eyes and shake your head. Don’t worry, I would do the same thing.

I locked myself out of the house again. With Eisley. Except this time I had Ross with me so he wasn’t around to save me with his key. You may be thinking there is NO WAY we would do this again. I agree. We have lived in this house for 7 months and never came close to locking ourselves out, yet somehow we (or I) have managed to do it TWICE in the past 4 days. Luckily, it was a bit more entertaining this time and we avoided the snooping Nice Neighbor Girl.

Ross, Eisley, and I set out on our after-work walk. It was around 7:00pm, and very dark. The ground was wet from an earlier rain fall, so we decided to take a quick stroll around the block to stretch our legs and then cuddle in the house with warm dinner and a movie. Thankfully I grabbed my winter jacket just in case we decided to walk a bit longer than usual…. Or get stuck outside for 1.5 hours.

We hadn’t made it one block before Ross looked at me with a panicked look on his face.

“You don’t have a key do you?”
“Nope, do you?”
“Nope.”

We turned back towards the house and checked the door. It was locked (duh!). Ross broke into our fenced backyard and tried to get in through the back of the house. It was locked too (obviously or the story would end a lot shorter). Eisley and I sat on the porch and waited. She shivered. I shivered. This felt a bit too much like Saturday night for my liking. Thankfully Nice Neighbor Girl hadn’t noticed we were hanging out on the front porch. Again.

After about 10 minutes Ross gave up trying to break in. We decided we should go for our walk anyway. We circled the block and out onto the North Portland bluff (overlooks the city and a pretty little industrial district called Swan Island). We stopped by the 7/11 and grabbed some beer (might as well make a night of it!) and it wasn’t until our walk back that we realized we should probably figure out how we were going to get back in. By some ounce of sheer luck, Ross brought his cell phone and we scanned through old emails looking for our landlord’s telephone number. No luck. Then Ross’ phone blinked once and the battery signal turned red… his phone was dying.

We frantically called one of our friends who we thought had a key from the last time we went to NC. We called about 4 times. Then we remembered he was heading home for the holidays sometime this week. Was it today? Or tomorrow he was leaving? I felt the panic rising.

About the time we got back home I had decided that we were sleeping in the back yard and then I would just walk to work the next morning. It was only 5 miles. Not so bad, right? Surely they would understand when I came in wearing workout leggings, a ratty old t-shirt and day-old makeup. I mean, surely there had been worse.

I tried one final attempt at calling our friend Grey as we walked dejectedly to the back yard. This time, he answered...

“GREY! Thankgoodnessyouansweredwhatareyougoing?” I yelled all in one breath.
“Eating cookies with my cousin.” Were these his cousins in Portland or his cousins in NC? Oh no… were we really destined to spend the night under the bridge with the bums?
“Where are you eating these cookies?”
“Portland.” We were SAVED!
“Oh super, can you come let us in our house. We are locked out. Again.” Grey was with Ross when I locked myself out only 3 days prior.

He laughed and promised he would be to our house within an hour. An hour. What were we going to do for an hour? In the dark. With just a dog and a few beers?

We head to the back yard and Eisley takes off making laps around the garden. She doesn’t care that it’s dark, wet, and cold. She has grass to eat and mud to play in!

Ross and I crack open a beer and I convince him to practice pick-up lines on me. “Pretend you are meeting me at a bar!” I said.

We strolls over in a very debonair manner. “Well hello there,” he said. So far, so good. “I see you are drinking Coors Light,” he continued. Uh oh… this has taken a turn for the worse. “I am drinking Coors Light too.” I guess he had to let me know in case I couldn’t read the label on the can in his hand. “Want to go out?” he finished. Boy am I glad we didn’t meet in a bar. Epic fail. (Sorry, Pudd. I love you any way. And I am very thankful we met at a very tasteful WINE FUNCTION rather than a bar with Coors Light.)

The pick-up lines were all downhill from there, so I decided it was time to do something more exciting. Why not Jazzercize?!? Ross had found his cell phone charger in the back pack he was carrying so we were able to plug in his phone to charge and use it as a stereo. I would at this time like to point out that yes, we did in fact have a backpack, with a phone charger, and a wallet with money, but no key. It was like we were destined for this!

So we turned on some pumped up dancing music and the Jazzercize began. I am sure our neighbors were a little curious about what they heard coming from a dark back yard…

“Alright every body, let’s grapevine…… very good! Alright now, let’s add that turn. Great!”

And then a few minutes later…

“Get ready for those lunges. And squat. Squat. Squat. Squat. Excellent! Keep that chest high and smiles on your faces! Feel the burn!”

Ross decided I need to quit my job and teach Jazzercize full time. I have to admit, it was great fun. And we burned off at least half of one of the beers we were drinking at the same time!

An hour or so later Grey finally came over to let us in. We escaped the cold and cured our hunger. We offered Grey a Coors Light and piece of leftover pizza as a thank you.

And honestly, I am a bit sore today from my squats.

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